A number of things have happened this week that have prompted me to write this post that will hopefully encourage MaternityTeachers and PaternityTeachers – past, present and future – to feel empowered about their own decisions about what they choose to do on their parental leave. The first was the reminder from @honeypisquared and my own Line Manager at the first MTPT Project forum event that parents’ wellbeing – especially mothers following labour – is diverse, varied and sometimes very delicate. We all have different ways of feeling fulfilled, and understanding how our definition of happiness and mental health preceding our children evolves and adapts once our babies arrive, or our families expand, is a very personal and intricate journey. For some, wellbeing is maintaining a connection, somehow, with their professional interests; for others, becoming a parent reveals new career paths; for other still, wellbeing means detaching completely from work, as is their right whilst on parental leave. It was important to be reminded of this because it encourages discussion around choice and individual liberties – for a person like myself whose mental health is stabilised by feelings of achievement and to-do lists, for example, a dominant social narrative of not ‘working’ whilst on maternity leave is as damaging and frustrating to my sense of purpose, identity and confidence, as a narrative of coercion, imposed expectations and ‘supermum’ is to a mother suffering from PND or parents feeling elated that they have managed to shower before midday. The second was a conversation with a distant colleague who had provided me with a great MaternityTeacher model some twelve months before my son was born. I had invited her to explore the website, and to share her own MaternityTeacher story, but she felt that she didn’t ‘have anything of value to add’ because she didn’t ‘have a sparkling or impressive career’ and hadn’t ‘published anything’. I was horrified. The MTPT Project aims to empower parents in whatever choices they make, and was conceived because I was struggling to find a community that could empower, inspire and advise me in my decision to complete CPD whilst away from the classroom. Clearly, though, what was inspiring for some was hugely disempowering for others. This post, therefore, is to say very loudly and clearly that there is nothing more ‘sparkling’ or ‘impressive’ about the MTPT community than any other community of parents, teachers, people – it is simply a community of teachers who have made similar choices about what to do on their leave, and we struggle with all the same things that every other parent struggles with. I thought it might help to share my week with you: Monday I facilitated the first MTPT Project forum event and managed to keep my baby, equipment, networking, facilitating plates spinning from 9:30am-4:30pm. I left the venue with my mother and sister, feeling exhausted, but with a sense of achievement that gets me out of bed in the morning. We went home for dinner and tag-teamed walking a baby up and down the flat as he cried (and cried, and cried, and cried) and refused to go to sleep. At around midnight, I realised, in a cold sweat, that I had left my laptop (birthday present from my husband; everything on it; the most expensive thing I own…?) at the venue. Not only was this a very inconvenient and costly loss, my marriage was clearly going to be over when my husband found out. Maybe he would even kill me? What’s more, forgetfulness like this is an indicator in me of not coping and has manifested itself in the past at times of high stress – my NQT year, wedding planning, first trimester… and I thought I had been doing so well! Despairing at my own uselessness and lack of capacity to manage my own life, I lay awake neurotically texting my sister under the covers into the early hours whilst my son and husband slept peacefully, thus completely losing out on a rare four hours of sleep, which just added insult to injury. Luckily the laptop was retrieved in an early morning pursue-and-return mission with mother and sister, followed by brunch, during which the baby shat up his back and I discovered I had forgotten to bring his spare pair of clothes. Wednesday I clearly needed some down time and proudly decided that I would take a hold of my wellbeing and have a ‘Mum’ day, buying material to make cushions for a friend for Christmas. Maybe I would even invest in a sewing machine? And bake? On the bus journey to the fabric shop, the bus braked, my son’s buggy fell sideways and we spent the rest of the day in A&E and now I will live, secure in the knowledge, that I am a terrible mother who almost killed her child (I nearly drowned him at around 4 weeks old, too). For more about the Shitty Guilt Fairy, please read Hoorah For Gin’s amusing blog. For the record, even sitting in A&E was great CPD – I learnt a lot about my school’s local community, experienced a lot of bilingualism first hand (EAL is one of my interests) and learnt about local safeguarding agencies and also how to spot and act upon a fever in children. Thursday My baby is teething; my husband is off work with the flu. We don’t want to infect the baby, so I am doing everything. Ev. Ry. Thing. I am trying to edit blogs and tweak the website and reply to emails. The baby is making that constant whining noise, a bit like a sad puppy and cries whenever we leave him to play independently/ don’t directly engage with him. I have a headache because of the four month sleep regression and sleep deprivation (see Monday). I hate everything. EVERYTHING. Friday I took the buggy on the underground to go to Rug Rhymes – idiot.  This is a journey I always do in a sling, but fatigue causes memory loss (see Monday).  I missed the Kennington change and was rendered helpless, waiting for kind passersby at Elephant and Castle at the top of four sets of steps.  The same happened at Waterloo, and you’ve probably gathered that the damsel in distress role is counter to my nature.  Asking for help is wounding to my pride.  A thirty minute journey took an hour; I missed Rug Rhymes; I made the baby cry bouncing him down a set of stairs, and I was sweaty and flustered and smelt.  And you know what, THERE IS NO RUG RHYMES IN HALF TERM ANYWAY. I did see Sally Phillips in Waterloo rush hour with her son, though, and like an insane-fan, touched her shoulder gently and said, ‘Hello, I liked your documentary‘, which made the day a little better.  (I haven’t actually seen her documentary, I just wanted to say ‘hello’, and to spread love and couldn’t think of anything else to say.) Later in the day, my friend and colleague announced the birth of her baby, and from the sounds of it, the labour was tough.  This is a woman I have admired and been in awe of for our whole friendship – a woman who runs gentle 10ks at eight months’ pregnant; who sends me home from a visit with a freezer full of individually portioned veggie lasagnes (safe to take on the bus without getting food poisoning!) at a time when I was supposed to be supporting her preparation for a newborn; who has optimistically managed a transition back from an expat lifestyle with ease; who calmly upcycles furniture and fabrics into beautiful pieces for her baby’s nursery and her new home. I am reminded of the five days I spent in hospital with my son in the ICU – for me, wellbeing was knowing that I was physically able to walk up and down the stairs and emotional recovery the distraction of online courses that turned anxiety-induced insomnia into productive time.  For her, wellbeing and recovery may be very different (probably twice as fast, creative and delicious!) Weeks like these happen whether you’re a parent or not; whether you’re on parental leave or at work; on holiday or during term time, and it’s good that they do because they encourage you to stop, meet a friend for lunch and let them take the baby off your hands, watch a film with your husband and finally take the baby swimming. Wellbeing is a diverse and varied thing, and will demand different activities at different times and in response to different challenges in life. So if the website seems ‘sparkling’ and ‘impressive’ to you, I hope that it is inspiring, not disheartening and empowering to know that each of us has ‘value to add’. None of us are Superwomen or Supermen, we are all just parenting and teaching as best we know how and as best fits our individual and family needs. Power to you, whatever your personal decisions about parental leave, CPD and teaching.